Trading Addictions

I quit smoking about 3 weeks ago. YAY! right? Unfortunately I've been functioning solely on red bulls and rockstars..... Yikes!


This date is is hovering ever closer and I'm so ready but I don't want to do these test and have something else come up. I've read other blogs of women who have scarring in their uterus and since I had scarring in my tubes (which caused me to lose both with ectopic pregnancies) I feel like this may end up being a problem.


I always just want to think, "But I'm young! Nothing should be wrong!", still these doubts seem to linger just like a bully pointing and laughing at my misery... I will have the last laugh.


If you caught me about a year ago I would still be blaming God. I walked off His path for a really long time, wondering how he could take my precious children from me before I could even hold them. But He is making me stronger and still always shaping me to really appreciate my future child, to always have hope that he will provide.


On a side note, midterms are this week and I'm trading awesome wonderful lovely sleep for study time. I haven't seen hubby in about 3days since I've been working odd hours. All will turn out well, I just know it!


I should probably go shopping now. I've been sitting in the parking lot writing this. And I also just realized how bad my ADHD is showing in this post! Have a great weekend guys!

Dreams, Depression, and Downsides

Let me start by expressing my apologies. I know, I know, I haven't posted in forever. I've been sick, I got let go from my job, (place more excuses here). Everything seems to get in the way and it's hard to find "me" time. That's what I've decided this is, my expression, my stress free zone, Mine.

I've been having these dreams the last two months, of being pregnant/giving birth, and at all different stages. I've seen my children (yes, plural) in my dreams. A boy and a girl, twins no less. My mother believes that if you see your child in your dream it's God's way of showing whats to come. As much as I'd love to accept that as truth, I think it's more likely my subconscious projecting what I want.

Right now, that's hard to deal with. Waking up from vivid dreams of children and knowing that I'm infertile and it's going to be this way for a while.

I'm trying to focus on the positive though. We'll have our house in January. DH and I finally decided on a date to talk to the infertility clinic as well. Our only option is IVF so we're going to a clinic in Austin in May that provides the Natural Cycle.

If anyone has any stories or advice on their own Natural Cycle IVF good or bad I'd love to hear it.