Trading Addictions

I quit smoking about 3 weeks ago. YAY! right? Unfortunately I've been functioning solely on red bulls and rockstars..... Yikes!


This date is is hovering ever closer and I'm so ready but I don't want to do these test and have something else come up. I've read other blogs of women who have scarring in their uterus and since I had scarring in my tubes (which caused me to lose both with ectopic pregnancies) I feel like this may end up being a problem.


I always just want to think, "But I'm young! Nothing should be wrong!", still these doubts seem to linger just like a bully pointing and laughing at my misery... I will have the last laugh.


If you caught me about a year ago I would still be blaming God. I walked off His path for a really long time, wondering how he could take my precious children from me before I could even hold them. But He is making me stronger and still always shaping me to really appreciate my future child, to always have hope that he will provide.


On a side note, midterms are this week and I'm trading awesome wonderful lovely sleep for study time. I haven't seen hubby in about 3days since I've been working odd hours. All will turn out well, I just know it!


I should probably go shopping now. I've been sitting in the parking lot writing this. And I also just realized how bad my ADHD is showing in this post! Have a great weekend guys!

Fear and Happiness Go Hand in Hand

 We officially announced on Facebook that we are going to a fertility clinic and while I fully expected to have people questioning or trying to give (un)helpful advice, everyone was just extremely supportive. Saying "infertility" seems to be becoming less and less of a dirty word. I'm not ashamed anymore to talk about it openly.

We set our consultation appointment for April 14th in San Antonio which is a month away and a month earlier than we had planned!!! It's impossible for me to explain how excited I am. I know this will work! All this time it never felt real to me, I thought for sure we would just procrastinate or find some excuse not to follow through but gosh darn I WILL BE A MOTHER! :)

I'm wondering if anyone else felt an initial relief by just setting the appointment? I don't think DH is as affected as I am by setting the date but I haven't really seen him much because of our conflicting schedules. We're taking that day to go to the clinic and after maybe check out the Alamo or take a boat on the Riverwalk and spend a whole day together FINALLY. Does anyone have advice on the questions I should ask? I have a whole list but more would be appreciated.